Blog Woes

I thought I wouldn't have to do this, but I literally have to write in to say that I can't write.

School is so intense right now that I haven't Twittered in weeks and both blogs look like they are growing cobwebs! I am in the midst of a Project Management class from an IT slant and another class learning PhotoShop Elements with a text that is several versions back. Both of the software packages for these classes are new to me. I have to give a lot of time to learning the program (think MS Project for Dummies!) and then completing the assignment. It is a tedious, slow, laborious process that I have to do in order to keep up. Also, I've been under the weather so much. Not sick, but very tired and needing to sleep a lot more than usual. Also, the young son just finished a round of physical therapy, but also suffered 2 faints in the last two weeks. That just means that he needs more attention, another drain on time.

With school ending soon, the schedule is getting ready to slow down immensely, though there are a lot of things on the horizon. The oldest son has finals next week and has been stressing about chemistry and Spanish II. We are waiting for a job fair to start up soon. He will have to work on his interview skills; something that we have never worked on before. I have every confidence in him that he will do well on both counts.

We have a support group event coming up for my young son. Every year, we go to a hotel nearby and meet up with over 100 families that are part of Dynakids. I am looking forward to this year because I will meet people from all over the world and hopefully, get to meet people who can help me with my future relocation.

Yes, I may be relocating. But that is another post.

Well, that is most of the wrap-up for the kids and I. I will be blogging shortly about a subject that is very hard to talk about, but I have promised to keep writing honestly, even though others are reading this stuff now. It has to do with the next post and leaving some people behind.

Will be back soon.

Learning to Be Less Than Perfect

I received my final grades today. One A and one A-.

Now, why do I look at that A- and wish it were an A? I mean, I came so close. I was at 94.73, but my final project fell short of the instructor's rubric, so I didn't make it.

I admit it is my mother talking. I had a seriously Type-A Mom, back before they had terms like that. If you brought home a 95, she'd say "why couldn't it be a 96 or a 97?" I once received a final grade of 99 in a biology class. A final grade! And, yes, she asked me (and the teacher, mind you!) why didn't I get an 100? No one had ever got a 99, and she kept pushing for that perfect grade. The pressure used to be ridiculous. It didn't help that my older brother graduated high school at 15 1/2. Being the middle child, I was expected to be as good, if not better.

I wasn't.

I was the artsy, dreamy, talk to myself under the kitchen table-type kid. I sat in mimosa trees, smelling the blossoms and deciphered shapes in the clouds. I started out badly in school, nearly flunking 3rd grade.

Was I too rambunctious (old term for ADHD)or didn't turn in my work? Nope. I just talked too much! LOL!! I laugh at that now. I just couldn't stop getting involved with everyone in the class and finding out how they were doing. Well, my mother had a real good talking to me (in those days, that meant, spanking) and I realized that I wasn't going to master anything talking all the time. So, I buckled down. Real hard.

And, went on to be salutatorian of my middle school and graduate in the top 2% of my high school class. And, still, she kept pushing for more.

Little did she know that physically, I was pushing myself to utter sickness and exhaustion. I never missed a day, until one day, in utter pain, I just walked out the the school. Top grades and all, I needed to rest.

College proved to be disastrous. My eyes couldn't take it and my body seemed to be constantly racked with some virus or flu. To my darling mother's utter consternation, I never finished a degree. Five colleges and no degree. She was mortified. I really think I was relieved.

Now, I am the parent and I have two lovely boys, who are far from stellar in grades. My older Aspie son is average, not your savant Aspie in any way. My youngest son probably has permanent memory damage and has a speech/language deficit. I learned early on that I could not have the same attitude of my mother. I had to cut them some slack.

And, today, I realized that I have to cut myself some slack, too. I deserve to be okay with less than perfect. I deserve to turn the record player of parental disapproval off and enjoy my return to school.

On Twitter today, @steveKrull wrote this:

Some days I face #autism head on. Some days I hide from it and I don't know exactly why. Answers?

I answered with this:


But isn't that like life? Look at the hiding days as reflective. No one takes life on head on everyday. Even God rested. #autism

Boy, I am sure my mother is rolling over in the grave. But, when I look back on that tweet, I realize I have learned to take it easy. Perfect grades don't make perfect lives. And, all of us have something to offer, even if it is less than perfect. Some days we are gung-ho, and other days, we need to hide.

Hmmm, haven't I come a long way.

Thanks to autism and dysautonomia, and learning to love my dreamy, nurturing, artsy self.

Asperger's and the SAT/ACT Test

How I got here, I don't even know.

From a child that rocked and flapped and disappeared into his own world to a junior in high school, who is facing the stiffest tests in any young person's life. Don't ask me how I got here. One day at a time doesn't seem to do it justice. And I haven't gone crazy and neither has he. Don't say there aren't miracles.

I don't know any numbers and I am too tired to do the research, but how many children with Asperger's take their SATs or the ACTs? I am not talking about gifted Aspies. I am the mother of the run-of-the-mill child with average intelligence according to all the tests he's taken, but with definite below-average verbal skills. I won't parade the numbers in front of you, but he was diagnosed with Receptive/Expressive Speech Disorder since he was in elementary school. His recent testing put his reading comprehension age around 8 years old. And yet, his word recognition age is around 21 years old. Should he even attempt the SAT with a vacillating scores like that? He is pulling a C in Math and we have struggled to keep those grades in the high C range. It just seemed too far out there.

I know this is a side topic, but he is always talking outside the box,
creating new words and positively amazing us all with his quirky insights.I have talked/tweeted with other mothers who tell me great stories. I still remember a child grunting, whistling and humming.but now, he loves to create words that aren't in the dictionary (he knows this, because he loves to read the dictionary!). One word that family and friends have adopted is "linner." Linner is the comparative word for brunch. Brunch = breakfast and lunch. Linner = lunch and dinner. Linner is like a very late brunch or early supper. I told him people used to use the word supper, but he just replied, No, Mom, that word is used just like dinner now, so we need a new word." Can't argue with that one, so we use linner.

Well, back to the topic at hand; here we are in his junior year, and everyone is talking college. "College!?! What!!?!!," as I gasp and sputter. Yes, the school and this crazy program I signed him up for (since we don't get therapy at all, I sign him up for every free program I can get my hands on. He has been in AVID, Education Talent Search,etc) are sending home reams of paper and thick, glossy books entitled "The 411 on College."

I signed him up for the SAT. Then I took a look at the SAT. Kinda backwards, I know, but a lot is going on in our house lately. It hit me real hard: there is an essay requirement on the SAT. ESSAY. 8 yr. old comprehension. Okay, that's not good.

I did make a half-hearted attempt to search the library and online for help, but quickly realized that this test was just not going to happen.The study guides were thick, newsprint looking monstrosities. The tapes had suspiciously vanished. Dead end. Then, I headed online. YouTube (which, by the way, my son loves at the moment) had videos, but I couldn't get into any of them. Maybe I am wrong, and if someone finds a great one, let me know. Nothing moved me at all. It didn't look like this was going to happen. At least, not by May 13th (remember, like a dope, I scheduled before the due diligence)

My son has become very resilient over the years. We have no more meltdowns, we have no more stiff as a board "honey, are you there?" episodes. But, remembering my SAT almost through me into a panic and I remember scoring very high. I just couldn't do this to him. So, I decided that he would take the ACT. What is the difference?

SATs test critical thinking, logic and reasoning, where the ACT focuses more on what have you learned scholastically. I don't think I need to tell you that they really don't want my son to draw conclusions or make critical thinking analyses. They would never believe their eyes. The kind of leaps and connections he makes here at home are out of this world. But, still the problem was preparation. Even with a total multiple choice test with no essay, he needed prep.

And then, I found it. E-Prep. I fell in love. Here was a site that looked like it was MADE for us. Video run instruction. The ability to stop videos at any time. An entire prep course in video, showing, not just telling. I am in love.

I don't do reviews very often, and this is not really one either. Check the site out, but this is the answer for BOTH my children. For the oldest, who has a fantastic memory, he will quickly remember the video instructions. For my young son, who has a damaged memory system, the moving visuals that can be repeated are perfect in order to increase retention and recall. Unlike static words or audio, videos always seem to ease learning and remembering for him.

The downside? Yes, there is one. The course is not free. But they do give options that run from $69.00 to $249.00. Somehow, some way, I will scrounge up the money for one of the courses in the middle. Hopefully, it will be enough to give him a good grade. And, then we can start discussing what he would like to study and what he would like to be.

Now, that folks, is a WHOLE other post. Must tell you about the fun we are having getting him to volunteer and find a job.

Until next time, take care.