Short Break

This post is going to be a little different in focus and intensity.

After the attention my last post generated, I was completely caught off guard. Friends called to say how it affected them. Strangers called me a hero. I felt warm and accepted and humbled at the same time. My story resonated with so many people! It truly made me feel less alone in the struggle.

Also, I didn't realize it, but it took a lot out of me to write down the last two posts, especially the one about my oldest son. So many memories of hard times, poverty, death and plain ole' loss came flying back up as I wrote those words.

For the rest of that day, I could not help remembering so many other things. Like how we stopped going to church, the movies, outside festivals and fairs when it became obvious that the noise and length was too much for my sons. Or how with $1000 and a cellphone, we made the trek from upstate NY to Baltimore, MD to start a new life, just the three of us.

I used to call us the rag-tag band. I always felt that we were held up by mere strings that any moment threatened to pop. Somehow, they always held.

I remembered how my faith in God went from a philosophical hand-me-down from my parents to a full-fledged walk in grace, as I had no one but God to depend on. God and whatever strength he gave me.

As I get ready to do the last two updates (my sister and myself), I realize that if I do no more and write no more than what I have, I will have given something away that touched people. No one paid for it. People will be able to see that it is possible to walk in wonder, creativity and joy in the midst of constant, almost overwhelming emotional and physical struggle.

That ability or gift is greater than anything I could ever learn in my current studies. And more lasting than any other contribution. Thank you for letting me be a part of your living experience.

Stay tuned for Part 4 and 5.

Judi